Becoming Unfuckwithable

We hear the word “unfuckwithable” a lot these days, but what does it actually mean? Inspired by Vasavi Kumar, being unfuckwithable isn’t about being untouchable or closed off. It’s about building a kind of inner peace that no one can take from you. It’s about knowing yourself so well that no one can shake your foundation.

This isn’t some mystical, woo-woo concept. It’s rooted in tangible skills—self-awareness, boundaries, and rest. Yep, rest. Not just naps, but the radical act of rejecting the productivity grind and choosing to exist without needing to “earn it.” (Shoutout to The Nap Ministry for teaching us that rest is rebellion.)

So if you’re ready to explore what it really means to be unshakeable in a world that constantly tries to push you off-center, keep reading. We’re about to break it all down.

1. Self-Awareness as Armor

Let’s get one thing straight: self-awareness isn’t about “fixing” yourself. It’s about knowing yourself. And that knowledge? It’s armor. Not like a metal suit of steel but more like those padded suits dog trainers wear when training police dogs. The dogs can bite, but it doesn’t break the skin. That’s what self-awareness does for you. The world can poke at you, but it won’t penetrate.

The Hard Lesson I Had to Learn

Back in 2006, I learned this lesson the hard way. Picture it: MSN Messenger days. I’m chatting with a boy I liked (huge deal when you’re a teen with a shaky sense of self-worth). The boy asks me to flash him on webcam. And like many young people desperate for approval, I did. What I didn’t know was that he had his friends with him. They screenshotted it, shared it, and suddenly I became the headline of my high school gossip mill.

I was humiliated. I felt like my body didn’t belong to me anymore—it belonged to their whispers. But here’s where everything shifted: Instead of hiding in shame, I owned it. I didn’t deny it. I didn’t spin a story. I just said, “Yeah, I did it. And?”

Was I hurt? Absolutely. Had I been violated? Of course. Did I lose all my friends? Yup. But by owning it, I stopped them from having power over me. If you’ve ever felt like someone had “dirt” on you, you know how suffocating that is. But when you expose yourself first, it’s like dropping the mic on your own scandal. There’s no “gotcha” moment when you already got you.

How to Own Your Story

Here’s a quick exercise for you:

• Write down the things you’re most afraid people will “find out” about you.

• Ask yourself, “Do I already know this about myself?”

• If the answer is yes, congratulations. No one can use it against you.

Self-awareness makes you unfuckwithable because you’re not hiding from yourself.

2. Accountability: The Kind You Actually Survive

If self-awareness is armor, accountability is the action. But let’s get this straight—accountability is not punishment. It’s love. When you hold yourself accountable, you’re not “calling yourself out” to drag yourself through the mud. You’re saying, “I deserve better from myself.”

The Savior Complex Trap

I used to think I was a “good person” because I did the most for people. The one who dropped everything to help, even when I was exhausted. I thought I was being selfless. In reality, I was trying to control how people saw me. If I could be the best friend, the most reliable one, then I’d be safe from rejection, right?

Nope. Turns out, being a people-pleaser isn’t love—it’s control disguised as kindness. I had to own that. And once I did, no one could use it against me. I started asking myself, “Am I doing this to be helpful or to be seen as helpful?” If it was the second one, I sat myself down and said, “Nope. We’re not doing that today.”

How to Practice Accountability (Without Self-Hatred)

• Identify one pattern you want to shift (like people-pleasing).

• Ask yourself, “How can I hold myself accountable with compassion?”

• Remember, accountability doesn’t mean “beating yourself up.” It means being honest with yourself and committing to do better.

3. Healing Isn’t Linear (And That’s Okay)

You know those TikTok glow-up montages with captions like, “I went through my healing era, and now I’m unstoppable”? Cute. But not real. Healing is not a straight upward line. It’s a toddler’s scribble. You’re going to loop back to the same triggers, but each time, you’ll have more skills to deal with them.

How I Learned This (The Hard Way, Of Course)

There was a point where I thought I was over my fear of rejection. I’d done the therapy, read the books, etc. Then a friend didn’t text me back, and suddenly I was spiraling, thinking, “They hate me. I’m annoying. I should disappear.” The old me would’ve gotten stuck in that for days. But this time? I noticed it. I caught it. I asked myself, “Is this about them or about my fear of being unwanted?”

That’s what growth looks like. It’s not never being triggered. It’s catching it faster.

What To Do When You Feel “Back at Square One”

• Name 3 things that prove you’re not the person you used to be.

• Ask, “What’s different this time?”

• Remember, you’re not at square one. You’re just seeing it from a higher perspective.

4. Boundaries Aren’t Just for Other People

We love to talk about setting boundaries for others. But what about the boundaries we set for ourselves? Saying “I’m not taking on extra work” is cute—until you do it anyway. If you don’t believe you’re worthy of peace, you’ll break your own boundaries.

When I Realized I Was My Own Worst Boundary Violator

I had a friend who called me daily. I hated it but kept answering because I didn’t want to be seen as a “bad friend.” But one day, I realized I was being a bad friend to myself. So I set the boundary: “I love you, but I can’t do daily calls. I’m prioritizing my mental health.”

Guess what? They were fine with it. Turns out, the person I was most afraid of disappointing was me.

How to Stop Breaking Your Own Boundaries

• Write down your “non-negotiables” (like rest, quiet time, etc.).

• Catch yourself when you break them and ask, “Why did I do that?”

• Remember: You’re worthy of peace, not just productivity.

5. Rest Is Resistance (And It’s Harder Than It Sounds)

We’re so brainwashed into thinking we have to “earn” rest. Nope. Not anymore. Rest is a boundary you set with the world. And it’s the hardest one to set. Because the world will convince you that you’re lazy, wasting time, or “falling behind.” But guess what? Falling behind who? The people ignoring their own burnout? Pass.

How to Start Resting Like a Rebel

• Schedule “useless rest” (not “productive rest” like cleaning).

• Remind yourself: “Rest is not a reward. It’s a need.”

6. Authenticity Doesn’t Mean Unmasking Everywhere

If you’re marginalized—queer, Black, disabled—you know that being authentic everywhere isn’t always safe. The goal isn’t to always be unmasked. The goal is to find spaces where you can be.

How to Scan Your Life for Safe Spaces

• Write down all the places you move through (work, home, relationships, etc.).

• Label them “Safe,” “Conditional,” or “Unsafe.”

• Focus on creating one space where you can be fully unmasked.

Final Thoughts

Being unfuckwithable isn’t about being untouchable. It’s about being solid. Like a stone in the river—life flows around you, but you don’t move. When you know yourself, when you hold yourself accountable with compassion, and when you choose rest as an act of resistance, you’re unstoppable.

It’s not easy. But you’re already doing it. The fact that you’re even reading this? That’s proof.

So, next time you catch yourself thinking, “I thought I was past this,” pause. Remember, you’re not at square one. You’re climbing higher. And higher up, you get a better view.

Hope you like this episode of the pod if you listen to it.

Ok, Love you. Bye. ❣️❣️

Ps:

If you’ve made it this far, I’ve got a little something for you. If you’re thinking about grabbing a treat for yourself (or someone who deserves a bit of extra care), now’s a good time. Orders placed today will be sent off tomorrow morning, which means it’s likely to land on your doorstep by Saturday morning — just in time for a weekend reset or a little pre-Christmas self-care. No stress, no rush, just a little reminder that you deserve nice things too.

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